- Those who donate $20 will receive a random book from my own stash. If you’re like me and will literally read anything, you’ll love this: Maybe you’ll get Han Kang’s “The Vegetarian”. Maybe you’ll get Eminem’s autobiography “The Way I Am”. Maybe you’ll get my 10th grade European History Textbook I never gave back! Hell, maybe you’ll get that copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban that I drunkenly wrote “Taylor Swift sucks” into the columns of the book. IT’S JUST THAT RANDOM.
- Those who donate $35 will receive TWO random books and I will crank call anybody of your choice and harass them in Spanish. Laugh until you pee as I call your bewildered grandfather “una pendejo de burro”.
- Those who donate $50 I personally write you a short story of your own design: Want me to write a 10 page story of you fighting off 10-foot tall Zombie-Vampires while Maggie Smith narrates the entire scene? I can do it. Want a hardcore erotic-fanfiction of you getting fucked by your celebrity/ fictional crush? I can do it. Hell, for the lazy students, want me to write that paper on the influences of secret police organizations during the Decline of Stalin? SEND ME YOUR EMAIL KID AND I CAN FUCKING DO IT.
- Those who donate $75 AND have a book they desperately need reviewed: Not only will you get two random books, I’ll read your book, PRAISE THE SHIT OUT OF IT ON MY BLOG (even if it’s bad) and on every social media platform I have, I WILL ALSO personally critique your next novel idea and give you my honest-to-Jebus opinion on it.
- Those who donate $100, I will send everything above PLUS an obscure band-tee. Be the hipstery-hipster this side of the Mississippi with a band-tee from a small upstate New York town that nobody will EVER hear of.
So please. Do what you can! If you can’t donate, I get it but still do your civic duty: Call your representatives. Express your outrage. Have your voice be heard! We can’t let this presidency determine the fate of our friends, neighbors and community. We only have so much time before who knows what will happen.Thank you!!